If It Kills Me
by brainsandbugsKOTL
Summary: Ziva is finally starting to show that she cares for Tony. Tony feels the same way back, but is he ready to be in a real relationship? I suck at summaries. More chapters to come!
1. Chapter 1

"So Tony, what are your plans for the rest of the night?" Ziva David asked her co-worker, Tony DiNozzo.

"Oh, you know. The usual." He said, with his usual 'up-to-no-good' smirk. They were both rushing to gather their things and get the hell out of the bullpen. The air conditioner wasn't working again, and it was both hot and humid, leading to very uncomfortable NCIS agents.

"And by the usual, you mean getting a girl drunk, taking advantage of her, and leaving as soon as you get the chance to slip out unnoticed, all while not remembering or even knowing the poor woman's name?" Ziva suddenly stopped packing up her stuff, and turned to look at her co-worker from her desk. "Grow up, Tony. Be a man for once." And with that, she turned on her heel, and stomped off, without a second glance. Tony stared after her, completely stunned. He knew she was right, but Ziva David, of all people, should not be giving him relationship advice (or, for that matter, any advice). He knew what he was doing, and his lifestyle has been working out for him all this time. So why should he try to fix something that isn't broken? And why did she even care how he lived his life? Still, sometimes he wondered what it would be like to settle down, be in a committed, serious relationship. But he just wasn't ready to settle down yet- he always figured he had plenty of time for that later. He may as well have as much fun as possible while he still could, right?

"What's the matter, DiNozzo? Ziva finally get to you?" His other co-worker, Timothy McGee was standing at his desk, and no doubt, heard their conversation. He was attempting to shut down the computer systems so they didn't fry in the heat.

"Go home and get some rest, McNosey. You have reports to fill out for me tomorrow." He picked up his bags, and headed for the elevator, turning off the lights in the large room on his way out.

"Tony! I needed those on! Get back here! I can't see anything!"


	2. Chapter 2

**I know these chapters are short, but they will pick up length as soon as I start getting reviews. :) Also, this is my first fanfic, so constructive criticism would be awesome!I promise I won't take too much offense to it. 3**

Regardless of Ziva's outburst, Tony headed straight for the bar to meet some girls, and maybe have a few drinks himself. He mingled there for over an hour, and hardly saw anybody who caught his eye. Drink after drink, he lost hope of finding a partner for the night, and decided to head home. As he walked out to his car, he tripped and stumbled, and came to the conclusion that he was too drunk to drive home.

"Who to call, who to call." He racked his brain for an answer, but he didn't like the response his brain told him. Abby was probably still in her lab, getting some work done, McGee was probably at home playing his computer games (and he wouldn't come to get him, anyway). If he had called Gibbs, he'd never hear the end of it, and probably get a few head-slaps in the process. Logically, the only person he could call right now was Ziva, but she would probably lecture him. With no other option, he took out his phone, and dialed Ziva's cell phone. It rang twice before she picked up.

"Tony? What do you want? It is two in the morning." Her voice sounded groggy, like he just woke her up.

"Did I wake you up? Listen, I need a favor…" He started. But before he could finish, she cut him off.

"Let me guess. You are too drunk to drive home, and you need someone to come and get you. Am I right?"

"Ye.. yeah. You're right. How did you know?"

"This is not the first time you have pulled this on me. Just tell me where you are, and I will be there shortly."

Tony wasn't happy with his decision to call her, but at least he'd get home without a DUI. And the bright side of this situation? He was too drunk to notice Ziva's driving tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is slightly longer than the others. :) Hope you like. Maybe I'll post another one tonight.**

"What're you doing, Ziiiva? You should have taken that last turn to get to my place." Tony said, his speech slurring a bit from the alcohol.

"I know, Tony. We are not going to your place." He gave her a look, but she kept her eyes firmly on the road. She couldn't risk another near accident with a semi-truck tonight.

"Well then where ARE we going? You're not taking me to an AA meeting or something, are you?" His voice was genuinely concerned, and he was too drunk to realize the redicilous-ness of what he just said.

"No. We are going to my place. I do not trust you to stay by yourself tonight, especially with how drunk you are. Last time I left you alone like this, you ordered 300 DVDs from the Internet. All of the same movie. Do you remember that, Tony?" She pulled into her driveway and shut off the engine.

"In my defense, it was a great movie. Action, romance, horror, all topped off with a little bit of comedy. Not to mention the acting…"

"Shut up, Tony. I do not care about that right now. Let us get you inside now, before you pass out and force me to carry you there." Tony gave Ziva a salute, and followed her obediently through her front door. Tony plopped down on the couch, as Ziva went to go get the guest bed ready. As she was putting the sheets on, she was mumbling incoherently to herself.

"What was that, Ziva?" Tony was standing at the door, and as soon as he spoke, Ziva jumped 6 feet into the air.

"You startled me, Tony! Do not do that. I thought you were watching television or something in the living room." She went back to prepping the bed.

"I was. But I got bored, and figured you might like some company. So is this where I'm sleeping?" Ziva nodded at him. "Nice sheets." He said, gesturing to her obnoxious yellow floral sheets.

"They were on sale. It's not as if I ever use them. Only when I have company. All done. You going to sleep now?"

"If you don't mind, I think I'll stay up for a while. 'The Godfather' is on right now, and I think I want to see it again. You can join me, if you want." He then turned, and headed to the living room, Ziva following closely behind.

"I am going to go get you some water, so that way you will not be wishing for death tomorrow morning. Do you need anything else?"

"Well, I do have an incredible urge for pizza, but that might be the alcohol talking. Speaking of alcohol…" Tony got up and headed for the bathroom, but didn't quite make it before his stomach exploded, and his vomit got all over her floor.

"Dammit. On second thought, maybe I'll just go lay down after I clean this up." He stood, staring at the puddle on the floor, regretting not getting up sooner.

"It is fine, Tony. I will clean it up. You can go rest." She walked into the kitchen, and returned moments later with a bucket. "If you feel like you have to throw up, use this instead of my floor. Much easier to clean."

"Thanks, Ziva." He took the bucket from her hand, intentionally brushing his against hers. Maybe it was just the alcohol's affect on him, but it seemed she was being… kind… to him. He threw the thought aside, as he laid on the bed, closed his eyes, and fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**I know I am doing a lousy job of making the chapters longer, but yesterday was rough. I promise I'll try to make them at least 750-800 words from now on. **

**Let me know what you think.  
**

Tony woke the next morning to the smell of sausage filling his nostrils, and a hangover from hell. He decided that the first stop of the morning would be the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror- he looked like a train wreck. Dark purple bags under his eyes, his hair tousled and sticking up in the back and his clothes wrinkled. "I have got to stop drinking like that." He thought to himself, picking up the tube of toothpaste sitting on the counter. He put some on his finger, and ran it over it teeth. After washing up, and making himself look (vaguely) presentable, he decided to go see what else Ziva was cooking.

"You are awake. Nice to see you did not die of alcohol poisoning last night. I was almost worried." She didn't even look up from the stove while speaking.

"Almost?" He ran his fingers through his hair, and took a seat at the small table.

"Yes, almost. Your obnoxious snoring let me know you were alive, so I knew that you did not choke on your own vomit."

"I don't snore, Ziva. Maybe you were mistaking those snoring noises for your own. Besides, I've had worse hangovers. This is nothing." She sniffed the air. "When will breakfast be done?"

"When you admit that I do not snore, and that you were the one who was snoring last night." Ziva grabbed a plate, loaded it up with food, and sat across from Tony, who was now giving her puppy dog eyes. "Or, when you get up and get it yourself."

Tony grunted as he stood up, and put his hand to his head.

"Painkillers are in the hall closet. And there is bottles water in the fridge, if you would rather drink that."

"Thanks." He laid his plate on the table, and headed for the closet to get relief for his aching head. As he was digging in the closet, he stumbled across a half-empty box of condoms. "Oh, Ziiiiiivvvvaa. ___You got some_ '___splainin to do!" He waited a moment for a response, but when he didn't receive one, he went to the kitchen. Instead of a surprised Ziva staring at him like he expected, there was a note._

_Tony,  
Went for a run. Will be back in time to take both of us to work._

"Dang." He thought, tossing the box of condoms back into the closet. "I was gone for two minutes, and she managed to finish eating, wash her plate, AND leave without me noticing. She has GOT to teach me how to do that." He washed his plate, fixed his wrinkled clothes up a bit, and sat down in front of the television, waiting for Ziva to return from her run.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony didn't hear the door open over his laughter. There was something about re-runs of "I Love Lucy" that just tickled him to death. As his laughter died down, he realized that someone else was in the apartment with him. He decided to go investigate the noises he heard, the thought that this 'intruder' could be Ziva never crossing his mind. He twisted the knob to Ziva's room, and slowly opened the door. Standing in the middle of the room, with her back turned towards him was his co-worker. His half-naked co-worker.

"Shit!" He exclaimed, and tried closing the door before Ziva realized what happened. But it was too late, and she already saw him.

"Tony! What do you think you are doing?! You cannot just go barging in on people like this! Close the door NOW, Tony!"

He did what she said without a word, hoping that she wouldn't kill him in exchange. He waited in the kitchen for Ziva to get dressed. After five minutes, Ziva appeared in the doorway.

"Sorry for rolling out on you, Tony. You startled me, though."

"The term is FLIPPING out, Ziva. And never apologize. It's a sign of weakness."

"You didn't… see anything, did you?"

"Um…" He stammered. "No. Not much. But… Nevermind."

"No. Tell me what you were going to say."

"You'll hit me. No thanks."

"If I promise not to injure you?"

"Well. From what I did see, you have a very nice backside." Ziva glared at him, and picked up a dish-towel conveniently placed next to her and threw it at him.

"I thought you said you did not see anything!" She smacked his shoulder.

"And you said you wouldn't hit me. So we're even. We should leave soon. We're already late, and Gibbs is going to kill us."

"You are right. Get your shoes on, and then we will leave. I will take you to go get your car from the bar after we get off."

"Sounds like a plan to me." He said, tying his shoes. "Okay. I'm ready, let's go."  
Ziva pushed Tony out the door, and locked it behind her.

***

As soon as they walked into the bullpen, they were greeted with an angry Gibbs.

"You're both late. There's paperwork on your desks that need to be done. I want it on my desk before the end of the day. I have a meeting in MTAC, and Abby is running some evidence from a cold case for me. Remember to use spell-check, DiNozzo!" Gibbs ran up the stairs to MTAC, and closed the door behind him.

"You got it boss." Tony said, under his breath. "Looks like it's just you and me, Ziva."

"And me. Why do you always forget about me, Tony?" McGee looked up from his computer screen.

"I don't know, Probie. Guess I thought if I ignored you long enough, you'd stop being such an idiot. Didn't help." McGee rolled his eyes at Tony.

"I'm going to see how Abby is doing." He got up and headed for the elevator.

"You know, DiNozzo, you should really be nicer to the poor kid. He can only take so much harassment."

"Well Ziva, unless you're planning on making me be nicer to him, there isn't a chance in the world." Tony stuck his tongue out at her.

"Maybe I will make you, then." She got up, and stood close to Tony.

"Oh really? How do you plan to do that, Ziva?" She brushed up against him, causing him to lose control over his breathing, among… other things. She stood there for a moment, just looking at him, then laughed and went back to her desk, knowing fully well the effect she just had on her co-worker.

"Get to work, DiNozzo. And if you insult McGee one more time today, I might just have to make you. And you won't enjoy it, DiNozzo."

Tony and Ziva started on their paperwork, but the entire time, thought about what might happen in the near future.

**This had a super cheesy ending, I know. But I think it's time for some fluff!  
Reviews?**


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